Well, this is the last entry in my Japan journal. I still have a week and a half before I actually return to America, but I won't have access to a computer, so... this is it. Hard to believe it's been a year. It's unbearably hot and humid, and the cicadas have been buzzing for a couple weeks now, so I really feel like my journey here has come full circle... this is the Japan I experienced when I first arrived. And now I'm leaving. I am not sure how to feel, really. There are moments when I feel like there's nothing I want more than to just go home, that I can't stand it here another minute... and then there are other moments when I feel like I want to hold all of Japan in my arms and never let go.

Overall, I am honestly thrilled to be going home. I can't wait to see my family and fiancé and everyone I've been missing so much... but on the other hand, I am actually a bit afraid of what it'll be like once I am finally home. I worry about reverse culture shock. I have become really accustomed to life in Japan, so it really will take some time to get used to America again. I worry how I will fit into my old life... my friends are all doing different things now, and some are moving to far-away places. It's not like I expect everything to be exactly the same as it was when I left... I am just hoping I'll be able to adjust to the differences, and find my place in it all. I guess I'm afraid I don't really have a place in my old life anymore. I know everything will turn out fine, but it might be hard at first, so I can't help but worry a little.

This year in Japan has been so great and interesting and wonderful and strange all at once, and I've probably changed in ways that I don't even realize. Hopefully I've changed for the better. For example, is it considered good or bad to prefer V6 to Backstreet Boys, and Kuraki Mai to Christina Aguilera? ...but seriously, I am sure I have gone through a lot of changes this year, and I will probably discover the extent of them after I try settling back into my life at home. We'll see how it all goes! I realize I am very lucky that my home is in California, because I have easy access to Japanese things there. Anytime I feel "homesick" for Japan, I can go to a Japanese store and buy Pocky, or go to a karaoke place where I can sing Morning Musume! Thank goodness for that.

Even though I have this anxiety about reverse culture shock, I am still eagerly counting the days till I arrive in California. My friend Michiru left Japan today, after staying with me for five weeks. It was so very sad to see her go. But we had fun, so I am left with a happy feeling. My replacement AET comes in four days... I have been busy packing up my things and cleaning the apartment in preparation for her arrival. In some ways, it seems like just yesterday that I was arriving here in this apartment! But in other ways, it seems like I've been here forever and it's wonderful to be going home.

I guess I am not quite sure how to sum up this year... it's simply impossible to try to do so. I've had so many unique and memorable experiences, both good and bad, that I can't possibly say anything to really explain what it's been like for me here. But I do know that I will never forget it. In this past year, I have really grown to love Japan. It's time for me to go home now, but I will definitely return in the future. It's become a part of me.

I'll close with the words my students always call out to me from the school windows as I peddle away on my bicycle at the end of the day:

Bai bai... See you again...

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